Being Fired

At some point I'll have to write a book about this.

The title will be something along the lines of: "Being Fired".

I've been fired 1, 2 (laid off, but not the person for the job), 3, 4, and I think this coming Friday will be the 5th. Maybe even more. So yeah, I'm a seasoned pro at this. I know what to expect and how it's coming at this point. I know every trick up the boss's shoulders and the things employers are hiding to prepare themselves for the eventual loss. I suppose an employer could use this guide to offset their practices, so have at it.

Step 1: The employer identifies someone to fire.
This reason could many different things. But let's limit it to bad performance. The first thing the employer will do is to ensure they cover their own ass before letting someone go. Although you may not be critical to your job, the employer will make sure someone knows how to do their job + yours. In the unlikely event that you are actually being laid off and training someone to replace you for a different location (I've done this too), I won't be covering this.

So from the employee perspective: If you have access to the managers office or the person who would recommend this decision, watch them like a hawk. Someone will not like your performance and will be ready to cut ties with you. Performance based firings usually occur via party, meaning not the choice of one person but rather backed up by multiple people, and if they are good: stats.

Usually said manager will want to avoid conflict. The manager may ask you some questions as to how you are feeling, and how things are going for you. At this point, your job is all but gone. However, most employers will fire at the end or near the end of the day on a Friday. Everyone is leaving, and this allows for 2 cool off days. At least if you are going to shoot up the office, no one will be there on Saturday or Sunday. By Monday, most people will have moved on. In all of my firings, I was pretty cool with it. Just let them do their thing. I didn't clean up a damn thing on my desk, as that was their responsibility. I guess that's the true way to say: Fuck you.

Anyways, in each situation I was questioned by a number of people. In the most recent instance, I worked at a small firm where the CFO fired me. He asked me a series of questions early in the week. I was then greeted by the person 1 above me, making sure he understood the finer points of my job. This included things like re-labeling items which I knew to myself to be correct. However, he wouldn't be able to use my sheets if I kept them in my format.

Then I was approached by the controller. This person asked me to submit reviews on my job. Things I liked, things I would change. I'm not really sure what this was for, but in my opinion it was to catch me off guard. As the week progressed, this part of the process stuck out the most. If you know your job is under scrutiny, watch for this. Things out of the normal.

Step 2: The employer starts to reassign work to other people.

This only happened once, but it's a clear indication of what's to come. If this happens, break out your resume creator, linkedIn or other job hunting tools. Your job is gone. To throw them off, ask for a reference. Be sure it's not for a day job or they will be on to you. Ask for a weekend gig or something like that.

Step 3: The firing.

I think I've been fired over 5 times. Of those 5, only 1 occurred with just one person in the office. Usually firings occur with 2 or more. I was once fired with a concealed carry holder sitting diagonal from me. I knew he was armed, because he talked about it every day. But during the firing, I could see the handgun bulging from his side. This was actually an easy firing. I literally went back to my desk, got my phone and left. I had a whole bunch of stuff on my desk pertaining to work but didn't bother organizing it.
I've never been a hard person to fire. I just usually say, "Okay, and move on.