Oh my beloved Bubby. I'll never forget the day that I picked you up from the pet store. You were such a fluffy puppy. We didn't have a good start, because I had problems. You still accepted me. You were my friend. You were my dog.
You were everything that a dog is supposed to be. If I didn't love you like I should have, you sat down and watched. If I didn't treat you right, you sat down and watched. I was convinced that Kylie was my dog. I was convinced. I was wrong.
This whole time, you were my dog. From the beginning. You loved me. You loved everyone. You just wanted to meet people, and if we said they were okay then you just wanted to love them.
At that pet store, you ran away and hid under a couch. We still took you home. I'll always remember coming home from my day in the Army and I remember finding you in your kennel. Inside was Kylie, you and the diarrhea all over the bottom of the kennel. Having to wash you and Kylie off. I will always remember that.
I'll always remember Beau's last day alive. Due to a disease in his cat food, he passed away early. His last moments were in fear because you chased him behind the TV. I picked him up and put him on the counter, where he died right in front of me.
(I know this timeline is not right, Bubby)
I remember our house being built in Fountain. Before making our selection to build, we took you and Kylie to walk the neighborhood. You loved it. You loved the yard, you loved everything about it.
I remember when you developed a tumor on your neck. We had tubes put in it so the tumor would drain. Eventually you had surgery to remove the tumor. That was a scary moment.
I remember the first time you met my buddy John. You growled at him, and growled. He took off his hat and asked me if you were going to bite him. You didn't and never bit anyone in your life.
You were such a good dog. I remember taking you to the vet, who had a vet degree from Ohio State University. He asked me if you were going to be my fishing buddy. I said yes. As it turned out, you went fishing with me once.
That time was with your friend Turbo. As I was casting, the treble hooked lure landed right on your tongue and almost cost you your life. You live, and even outlived your friends Turbo and Bam. You lived a very dangerous life I'd say.
So today, I will remember forever. I kissed you, and hugged you. The sleeping medication went in you. You took 12 minutes to fall to sleep. At 10 minutes, I took your balls away and you popped up. Eventually, you fell asleep. Drifted off into nice dreams. You didn't realize that we injected the medicine to stop your heart. Within 2 minutes, you passed away.
Bubby, you were the best dog ever. If you are up there looking down on me, please keep me going straight. Don't ever stop loving. I will never forget you. I will never forget what you did for me.
I love you Bubby. Goodbye old friend. Sleep tight tonight.
Monday, September 11, 2017
Thursday, August 10, 2017
Being Fired: Part 2
Well, it happened again. I was fired.
I lost my job for a number of reasons, but the primary one was lack of fit in the company culture. This was a first for me.
Last year I wrote a blog around this time about being fired. Ways you could expect to be fired, and what you should be looking for. If you read that blog, you'll notice how I handle being fired. It's pretty easy. I leave with no complaints.
However, I wrote a part two because this was the first time I was fired for company culture fit. I simply didn't talk that much.
So let's break down my firing, and why everything I did was compounded and resulted in a very early termination.
Step one: I was identified by a higher ranking, not my boss, employee. This person noticed that I was late to work one day. She wrote it down on a piece of paper. From that day forward, everything I did was written down and reviewed.
Step two: The tasks were not what they said they would be at the interview. Maybe I didn't give 100%, but I did try. Looking back, it did become pretty clear from the beginning that I was not going to be trained. I did not fit the mold of what the employer was looking for. I was simply left alone.
Step three: I didn't talk. Like a previous job, I didn't talk at all. The reality was that the job was not a fit. I took a paycut from my previous job to be at this job, but the messages were mixed.
So how is this different?
Simple: it's complicated. I let my guard down for this job, but in the back of my mind something told me that I wasn't a fit. My instincts told me to find a new job. I ignored this and paid for it.
Bottom line: listen to your experience. If you have never been fired before, read my previous experience. I believe you'll understand what is coming next.
I lost my job for a number of reasons, but the primary one was lack of fit in the company culture. This was a first for me.
Last year I wrote a blog around this time about being fired. Ways you could expect to be fired, and what you should be looking for. If you read that blog, you'll notice how I handle being fired. It's pretty easy. I leave with no complaints.
However, I wrote a part two because this was the first time I was fired for company culture fit. I simply didn't talk that much.
So let's break down my firing, and why everything I did was compounded and resulted in a very early termination.
Step one: I was identified by a higher ranking, not my boss, employee. This person noticed that I was late to work one day. She wrote it down on a piece of paper. From that day forward, everything I did was written down and reviewed.
Step two: The tasks were not what they said they would be at the interview. Maybe I didn't give 100%, but I did try. Looking back, it did become pretty clear from the beginning that I was not going to be trained. I did not fit the mold of what the employer was looking for. I was simply left alone.
Step three: I didn't talk. Like a previous job, I didn't talk at all. The reality was that the job was not a fit. I took a paycut from my previous job to be at this job, but the messages were mixed.
So how is this different?
Simple: it's complicated. I let my guard down for this job, but in the back of my mind something told me that I wasn't a fit. My instincts told me to find a new job. I ignored this and paid for it.
Bottom line: listen to your experience. If you have never been fired before, read my previous experience. I believe you'll understand what is coming next.
Thursday, February 16, 2017
The Way I Feel
I am different.
I am not the same.
I see things and I remember them. Other things I forget.
My mind wanders, and I spin in time.
Wondering when, I'll change my mind.
The tone get's soft, the mood changes.
I'm all alone, with my memory faded.
The beautiful words are just too much.
I almost believe, I'm here because of luck.
I am not the same.
I see things and I remember them. Other things I forget.
My mind wanders, and I spin in time.
Wondering when, I'll change my mind.
The tone get's soft, the mood changes.
I'm all alone, with my memory faded.
The beautiful words are just too much.
I almost believe, I'm here because of luck.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Politics: The most irritating part
If you live in the USA, politics is a part of your life. Doesn't matter what part of the country you live in, whether you can vote or not, or even if you don't believe in our government. Every 4 years, something takes up time from the people. The something is politics.
I'd be naive to declare the politics reaches everyone the same. The simple truth is that it does not. The spectrum of politics affected me less as a child, and that includes my mother. This is largely because my mom did not own a home. So no amount of increase or decrease in property taxes would have changed her view. She simply voted for the best candidate. That's hard to do when a candidate is not going to help or hurt you.
Deep down somewhere, politics affects somebody. I'm surely not immune to this force. The previous election cycle has had me strung up like a ball of rubber bands. One candidate had some of the idea's I wanted, while the other did two. Neither represented what I wanted in a president, but I knew a different path from the past 8 years of Obama was needed.
All over social media, people scream for or against a candidate. The problem becomes when someone with a different view questions you on yours. They are views. They generally do not change because of a debate. Hell, I went through 4 years of college where you would have thought I would be a newly converted liberal. It didn't happen. So I doubt a 5 minute conversation with someone on Facebook will change this view.
What I don't understand though, is how people who had their president in office for the past 8 years cannot fathom the idea that a different route makes others happy. I'll say this proudly: I don't understand liberals. I just don't get them. They were pissed at Bush. There are many reasons cited, but I think the two biggest are Iraq and Afghanistan. So let's take those into consideration. The two wars cost our country trillions that my children and my grand children will be paying for some time. Liberals hated Bush because of his conservative policies and the wars. So they voted for a man with a theme for change. That man was Barack Obama. To me, Obama didn't appeal at all to conservatives. For everything Bush was, Obama was a 180. Obama changed things far more than Bush ever did. I might go as far as to say that Obama made many more changes than Bush. I could be wrong though.
The biggest thing with Obama was the lies. Every president lies. This is expected. The degree of dishonesty is what set Obama apart. I don't think it was because Obama meant to lie any more than Bush, Clinton, Bush, Reagan or any other president. Obama promised to end the wars. That's a bold move. Obama had no military experience to speak of before becoming commander in chief. It didn't appear that his staff understood the getting out of war part either. You don't just leave. War is a chess game, but it's not like one you can just fold up and put away in your closet. To take the chess analogy, the characters in Chess will follow you. They will get stronger, and you'll have to go back into that closet and try to fight them. They will be much stronger. I don't think Obama understood this. To me Bush and Obama have a bit in common: a leader. Bush's leader was Saddam. Obama's was Osama Bin Laden. Both got their man. Both were heavily disappointed when getting their man didn't result in an astounding victory. With Saddam, people didn't roll over and say thank you. The Iraqi's had more people come into the country from war torn places. With Obama, Bin Laden didn't end Al Qauida (spelling).
So looking at these, what really happened to Obama? He lied. Just the same way Bush did about Saddam, and just the way Clinton did about Lewinski. So take a minute, breath and realize that you're not changing anyone's views. Politicians lie, that's what they do.
I'd be naive to declare the politics reaches everyone the same. The simple truth is that it does not. The spectrum of politics affected me less as a child, and that includes my mother. This is largely because my mom did not own a home. So no amount of increase or decrease in property taxes would have changed her view. She simply voted for the best candidate. That's hard to do when a candidate is not going to help or hurt you.
Deep down somewhere, politics affects somebody. I'm surely not immune to this force. The previous election cycle has had me strung up like a ball of rubber bands. One candidate had some of the idea's I wanted, while the other did two. Neither represented what I wanted in a president, but I knew a different path from the past 8 years of Obama was needed.
All over social media, people scream for or against a candidate. The problem becomes when someone with a different view questions you on yours. They are views. They generally do not change because of a debate. Hell, I went through 4 years of college where you would have thought I would be a newly converted liberal. It didn't happen. So I doubt a 5 minute conversation with someone on Facebook will change this view.
What I don't understand though, is how people who had their president in office for the past 8 years cannot fathom the idea that a different route makes others happy. I'll say this proudly: I don't understand liberals. I just don't get them. They were pissed at Bush. There are many reasons cited, but I think the two biggest are Iraq and Afghanistan. So let's take those into consideration. The two wars cost our country trillions that my children and my grand children will be paying for some time. Liberals hated Bush because of his conservative policies and the wars. So they voted for a man with a theme for change. That man was Barack Obama. To me, Obama didn't appeal at all to conservatives. For everything Bush was, Obama was a 180. Obama changed things far more than Bush ever did. I might go as far as to say that Obama made many more changes than Bush. I could be wrong though.
The biggest thing with Obama was the lies. Every president lies. This is expected. The degree of dishonesty is what set Obama apart. I don't think it was because Obama meant to lie any more than Bush, Clinton, Bush, Reagan or any other president. Obama promised to end the wars. That's a bold move. Obama had no military experience to speak of before becoming commander in chief. It didn't appear that his staff understood the getting out of war part either. You don't just leave. War is a chess game, but it's not like one you can just fold up and put away in your closet. To take the chess analogy, the characters in Chess will follow you. They will get stronger, and you'll have to go back into that closet and try to fight them. They will be much stronger. I don't think Obama understood this. To me Bush and Obama have a bit in common: a leader. Bush's leader was Saddam. Obama's was Osama Bin Laden. Both got their man. Both were heavily disappointed when getting their man didn't result in an astounding victory. With Saddam, people didn't roll over and say thank you. The Iraqi's had more people come into the country from war torn places. With Obama, Bin Laden didn't end Al Qauida (spelling).
So looking at these, what really happened to Obama? He lied. Just the same way Bush did about Saddam, and just the way Clinton did about Lewinski. So take a minute, breath and realize that you're not changing anyone's views. Politicians lie, that's what they do.
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Trump: Take it in
For years now, our country has been bitterly divided. A war has been waged against everything that anyone believes in. If you have a stance that doesn't fit the liberal agenda (i.e. you are a traditionalist) your view is considered bigoted. It's a sad world that we live in. But it's a reality that we must accept.
The United States has always been about the better life. Come here and your life will be better. That's always been the motto. Today that motto still lives on. We are not the land of the free though. If you are just an average, straight, white man you are being attacked. You cannot stand up for being a male. It's considered sexist. You cannot be proud of being white. If you stand up for being white, you are a racist.
Even economical opinions are attacked. If you believe that everyone should be taxed a fair share, and have a social security identification you will be attacked. Our country is no longer a collaboration of idea's. Our country is now about attacking those who were once just every day normal people.
How did this happen? Why did this happen?
To answer the how, let's roll back 8 years to when President Obama first took office. Our nation was (and still is) in the depth of two costly wars. The promise was to end these wars and bring money back to our country. Change and hope were the keywords that everyone lived by. It was a moment that every liberal looked at a conservative and said "this guy is going to fix everything Bush fucked up". He's got the it factor, and we should all be proud of him.
To be fair, Obama dealt with a lot while in office. Being the first ever minority is a huge thing. But he was the first. So he was bound to be stapled to the walls of history as not being a very good president. That's just the way it goes. Now the foundation has been laid. It will open the doors for future minorities to take office and represent our country.
Unfortunately though, Obama wasn't just a minority president. He represented the "other side" of what our country was used to. Scroll back to when Bill Clinton took office. Clinton was in line with every other president. Wealthy, a career in politics and a reputation to back it up. More or less Clinton didn't do much to stand out.
Go back to 2008, inauguration day. By virtue of being a minority, Obama was not going to be in line. He was going to be paid much more attention to than possibly any other president in history. Which means his greatest accomplishments and failures would be magnified.
I'm not an Obama fan. I've never been one. I will say that he was better than McCain, better than Romney. Obama's biggest fault is trying to cater the low income class. Those who couldn't afford insurance, those who couldn't afford a good life. Those who just wanted their dollar to go farther.
The key component that Obama never understood was the power of the wealthy. People are wealthy for a reason. They reason revolves around intelligence. Much higher than mine. Chances are if you are reading this, much higher than yours too. If a person makes $15+ million a year, donating $3-4 million won't really hurt. That amount of money will be enough to offset taxes. This is what Obama didn't understand.
So we have to think about the ACA. If the wealthy are avoiding taxes through deductions, who pays for the ACA? The answer is the middle class. These are the people who make $50-100k each year. It might seem quite a bit, but it's not. They can't afford a big enough deduction to offset their taxes. For this, they pay dearly. They are also exposed to the problem of the ACA in the first place: they make too much money to qualify for decent rates.
Next comes the income equality. This starts at a small business level. People keep citing McDonalds, and Wendy's and Chic-Filet as examples of why Americans need $15 an hour. These are big businesses, where the corporate heads can make decisions to keep their profit in line. This doesn't work for the small business owners who have to pay that. Say a rug shop decides they want to sell 45 different kinds of rugs. They only have 1 shop. They probably cannot afford to move to another location where sales come to them easily. That would cost too much money. What they have to do is either drive up the prices for rugs. In this case, competitors such as big box stores hold the keys. Or the business owners eat the cost.
Next is the biggest issue of them all which is race. Obama was majorly influenced by Al Sharpton. He invited the man to his white house. He took his advice. Unlike Clinton, Obama didn't allow events to unfold. He inserted himself into the events. He took on the black community and made them his own. By doing so he blind folded a part of America. This is the president who is supposed to represent all of America. But by inserting himself into area's which are race related he gave power to a movement. This movement now controls our media, our minds, and our decisions.
Our country didn't get any better. In fact it got worse. We are in hard times but do not realize it because the mask of the federal government is trying to shield us from reality.
I respect President Obama because he was our president. I do not respect his service, as I feel it was awful.
Good luck Mr. President. In the future you will be remembered as the brick layer for minorities. You may also be remembered as the worst president we've ever had.
The United States has always been about the better life. Come here and your life will be better. That's always been the motto. Today that motto still lives on. We are not the land of the free though. If you are just an average, straight, white man you are being attacked. You cannot stand up for being a male. It's considered sexist. You cannot be proud of being white. If you stand up for being white, you are a racist.
Even economical opinions are attacked. If you believe that everyone should be taxed a fair share, and have a social security identification you will be attacked. Our country is no longer a collaboration of idea's. Our country is now about attacking those who were once just every day normal people.
How did this happen? Why did this happen?
To answer the how, let's roll back 8 years to when President Obama first took office. Our nation was (and still is) in the depth of two costly wars. The promise was to end these wars and bring money back to our country. Change and hope were the keywords that everyone lived by. It was a moment that every liberal looked at a conservative and said "this guy is going to fix everything Bush fucked up". He's got the it factor, and we should all be proud of him.
To be fair, Obama dealt with a lot while in office. Being the first ever minority is a huge thing. But he was the first. So he was bound to be stapled to the walls of history as not being a very good president. That's just the way it goes. Now the foundation has been laid. It will open the doors for future minorities to take office and represent our country.
Unfortunately though, Obama wasn't just a minority president. He represented the "other side" of what our country was used to. Scroll back to when Bill Clinton took office. Clinton was in line with every other president. Wealthy, a career in politics and a reputation to back it up. More or less Clinton didn't do much to stand out.
Go back to 2008, inauguration day. By virtue of being a minority, Obama was not going to be in line. He was going to be paid much more attention to than possibly any other president in history. Which means his greatest accomplishments and failures would be magnified.
I'm not an Obama fan. I've never been one. I will say that he was better than McCain, better than Romney. Obama's biggest fault is trying to cater the low income class. Those who couldn't afford insurance, those who couldn't afford a good life. Those who just wanted their dollar to go farther.
The key component that Obama never understood was the power of the wealthy. People are wealthy for a reason. They reason revolves around intelligence. Much higher than mine. Chances are if you are reading this, much higher than yours too. If a person makes $15+ million a year, donating $3-4 million won't really hurt. That amount of money will be enough to offset taxes. This is what Obama didn't understand.
So we have to think about the ACA. If the wealthy are avoiding taxes through deductions, who pays for the ACA? The answer is the middle class. These are the people who make $50-100k each year. It might seem quite a bit, but it's not. They can't afford a big enough deduction to offset their taxes. For this, they pay dearly. They are also exposed to the problem of the ACA in the first place: they make too much money to qualify for decent rates.
Next comes the income equality. This starts at a small business level. People keep citing McDonalds, and Wendy's and Chic-Filet as examples of why Americans need $15 an hour. These are big businesses, where the corporate heads can make decisions to keep their profit in line. This doesn't work for the small business owners who have to pay that. Say a rug shop decides they want to sell 45 different kinds of rugs. They only have 1 shop. They probably cannot afford to move to another location where sales come to them easily. That would cost too much money. What they have to do is either drive up the prices for rugs. In this case, competitors such as big box stores hold the keys. Or the business owners eat the cost.
Next is the biggest issue of them all which is race. Obama was majorly influenced by Al Sharpton. He invited the man to his white house. He took his advice. Unlike Clinton, Obama didn't allow events to unfold. He inserted himself into the events. He took on the black community and made them his own. By doing so he blind folded a part of America. This is the president who is supposed to represent all of America. But by inserting himself into area's which are race related he gave power to a movement. This movement now controls our media, our minds, and our decisions.
Our country didn't get any better. In fact it got worse. We are in hard times but do not realize it because the mask of the federal government is trying to shield us from reality.
I respect President Obama because he was our president. I do not respect his service, as I feel it was awful.
Good luck Mr. President. In the future you will be remembered as the brick layer for minorities. You may also be remembered as the worst president we've ever had.
Sunday, January 15, 2017
2016: The Year I Let Myself Down
2016 was an awful year for me in retrospect. I don't know how it was so bad, but let's just say I hit rock bottom.
I'm not sure why it was such a bad year, considering I went to Germany for work. But when I look back, I nearly lost everything about my identity.
It's 2017, and I've done more in these first 16 days then I did all last year for weight loss. I also ventured back into snowboarding having lost weight. Weight loss isn't just a gym kind of thing. I did spend quite a bit of time at the gym. Weight loss is about eating right. The gym is about scoping the muscles to one degree or another. For what it's worth, I probably wouldn't have rock abs with my workout even with a solid diet.
I guess what 2016 really lacked was me getting out of the house on the weekends. Especially July. I made a bad excuse for not leaving the house in July. It was over 95 degrees for most of the month. However I didn't try to get out at all. I should have. I look what other people did and I'm envious. I shouldn't be.
I guess I'm just a little disappointed in myself for not giving the extra effort. If I was to put 2016 in a pie, I wouldn't have completed that pie. I would have openings.
So I left this blog a little short.
//short
I'm not sure why it was such a bad year, considering I went to Germany for work. But when I look back, I nearly lost everything about my identity.
It's 2017, and I've done more in these first 16 days then I did all last year for weight loss. I also ventured back into snowboarding having lost weight. Weight loss isn't just a gym kind of thing. I did spend quite a bit of time at the gym. Weight loss is about eating right. The gym is about scoping the muscles to one degree or another. For what it's worth, I probably wouldn't have rock abs with my workout even with a solid diet.
I guess what 2016 really lacked was me getting out of the house on the weekends. Especially July. I made a bad excuse for not leaving the house in July. It was over 95 degrees for most of the month. However I didn't try to get out at all. I should have. I look what other people did and I'm envious. I shouldn't be.
I guess I'm just a little disappointed in myself for not giving the extra effort. If I was to put 2016 in a pie, I wouldn't have completed that pie. I would have openings.
So I left this blog a little short.
//short
Friday, January 13, 2017
Tired and Sleepy
Gain is all about perspective. One can actually lose money, but have a plan that losing said money will result in a gain.
Gain can be many things. One of those things gain can not be is a sense that you've given up. I am not sure that I've ever met anyone who gained from giving up.
The question is not why am I writing this blog. The question is the subject. I've had my sleeping pills and really the only thing I'm trying to do is stay awake long enough to pass out. So I'm looking for the gain. A little longer and I'll be so tired that I won't be able to distinguish the 10 key on my compute from the rest of the keyboard.
To me, I've gained a lot. A lot of weight that is. I've tried working out. I've tried watching what I eat. But every time I just gain more weight. This has been a very long process. Perhaps for years I've been fighting weight problems. Today though I'm finding things a little easier. I cut sugar, and most carbs in favor of wholesome foods and green vegetables.
I've also taken a different look as I sleep. I've tried sleeping earlier to actually have a good nights rest.
I'm now fading. See above.
Good night.
Gain can be many things. One of those things gain can not be is a sense that you've given up. I am not sure that I've ever met anyone who gained from giving up.
The question is not why am I writing this blog. The question is the subject. I've had my sleeping pills and really the only thing I'm trying to do is stay awake long enough to pass out. So I'm looking for the gain. A little longer and I'll be so tired that I won't be able to distinguish the 10 key on my compute from the rest of the keyboard.
To me, I've gained a lot. A lot of weight that is. I've tried working out. I've tried watching what I eat. But every time I just gain more weight. This has been a very long process. Perhaps for years I've been fighting weight problems. Today though I'm finding things a little easier. I cut sugar, and most carbs in favor of wholesome foods and green vegetables.
I've also taken a different look as I sleep. I've tried sleeping earlier to actually have a good nights rest.
I'm now fading. See above.
Good night.
Friday, January 6, 2017
She's Gone
There are moments in life where the sadness and shear scope of the moment over come me. That moment has been building for a while now, and the worst of it descended on another path down the mountain. I have to keep going up the mountain.
That mountain is life. The part that descended was a girl. That girl was beautiful. Her personality, long hair, beautiful body and wonderful outlook on the world. She was everything that I wanted to be around. Every time I saw her, I would smile. Every time she wasn't where I thought she would be, I felt as if a little something was missing.
I felt we had a bond. Our time starts when I first met her at work. I have her first emails inviting me to join the company. She was happy to see me, and always reminded me to not burn out. She wanted me to stick around. I felt happy around her.
Then our company had a trip. We went to Europe. During this time I thought our friendship would be affirmed. I thought we would have a deep friendship that could be outside of work. Not necessarily in a sexual way, but in a way that our understanding, or at least my interpretation, would not be confined to labor. During our trip to Europe that didn't happen. I felt avoided and simply left alone. I realized that this friendship was not what I thought. I came back with a deeper sense that nothing would transpire into a budding and loving friendship. I gave up on her.
But the summer came, and I slowly forgot this feeling I gained in Europe. We became what I thought we were before the trip. This time it was through walks. Long walks while trying to stay in shape. Not just the two of us, but many in the company. We would have laughs and think about the simple things. One time she uttered that she didn't want to end up spending her whole life at this job, but wasn't sure what else she wanted to do. I forgot, as I'm sure she did. Our lives went on and I felt we had become deep friends again.
All of the old wounds had healed from that trip.
Then came December. The words she uttered earlier in the summer came to fruition. She decided her time had ended. The news hit me like a ton of bricks. This time it wasn't me pulling away, but her taking a whole different path. I don't have the opportunity anymore to step away or to pull back.
She's gone.
So now I'm left with the memories. Our lives in a snow globe and what was actually going on. It hurts. It's painful to lose a friend. I just wanted to be close friends. Nothing more, nothing less. What I got was heartbreak. The kind when my best friend moved away. We had become best friends.
I felt I was close to this again. I was wrong. I hope no one but me ever reads this, because the pain is real. I love you KH. I love you....
That mountain is life. The part that descended was a girl. That girl was beautiful. Her personality, long hair, beautiful body and wonderful outlook on the world. She was everything that I wanted to be around. Every time I saw her, I would smile. Every time she wasn't where I thought she would be, I felt as if a little something was missing.
I felt we had a bond. Our time starts when I first met her at work. I have her first emails inviting me to join the company. She was happy to see me, and always reminded me to not burn out. She wanted me to stick around. I felt happy around her.
Then our company had a trip. We went to Europe. During this time I thought our friendship would be affirmed. I thought we would have a deep friendship that could be outside of work. Not necessarily in a sexual way, but in a way that our understanding, or at least my interpretation, would not be confined to labor. During our trip to Europe that didn't happen. I felt avoided and simply left alone. I realized that this friendship was not what I thought. I came back with a deeper sense that nothing would transpire into a budding and loving friendship. I gave up on her.
But the summer came, and I slowly forgot this feeling I gained in Europe. We became what I thought we were before the trip. This time it was through walks. Long walks while trying to stay in shape. Not just the two of us, but many in the company. We would have laughs and think about the simple things. One time she uttered that she didn't want to end up spending her whole life at this job, but wasn't sure what else she wanted to do. I forgot, as I'm sure she did. Our lives went on and I felt we had become deep friends again.
All of the old wounds had healed from that trip.
Then came December. The words she uttered earlier in the summer came to fruition. She decided her time had ended. The news hit me like a ton of bricks. This time it wasn't me pulling away, but her taking a whole different path. I don't have the opportunity anymore to step away or to pull back.
She's gone.
So now I'm left with the memories. Our lives in a snow globe and what was actually going on. It hurts. It's painful to lose a friend. I just wanted to be close friends. Nothing more, nothing less. What I got was heartbreak. The kind when my best friend moved away. We had become best friends.
I felt I was close to this again. I was wrong. I hope no one but me ever reads this, because the pain is real. I love you KH. I love you....
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
The Movies
The theater has always been a draw for me. From my young years, through my military years and up until today.
Movies have a way of bonding people. They often give a sense of altered reality which a person can live in for a few hours. When a year arrives where movies are not doing so well, this creates problems for people all over.
Take 2016 for example. That was a horrible movie year. Nearly all of the projected films were pushed to 2017 or suffered huge losses. Why did they do this? Cinematic value.
Cinematic value is a word I learned in college. In economics it's the line where marginal costs meets up with marginal revenue. The true value of the movie breaking even, but also getting enough attention that other titles come in. So in 2016, the movies didn't bring in the same value as in years past.
Let's take a look why:
I would say the biggest bust for me in 2016 was star trek. I love the new star trek movies. However this one failed in marketing and in value. It didn't help that one of the characters died in real life leaving the entire plot unsure of itself. I also believe the movie was pushed too late in the year. A great movie theater setting for me is one where an offsetting movie comes at the same time. So the year Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen came out opposite of star trek I was thrilled. Two fantasy movies at the same time. That was a great year. Nothing close came like this in 2016.
Movies have a way of bonding people. They often give a sense of altered reality which a person can live in for a few hours. When a year arrives where movies are not doing so well, this creates problems for people all over.
Take 2016 for example. That was a horrible movie year. Nearly all of the projected films were pushed to 2017 or suffered huge losses. Why did they do this? Cinematic value.
Cinematic value is a word I learned in college. In economics it's the line where marginal costs meets up with marginal revenue. The true value of the movie breaking even, but also getting enough attention that other titles come in. So in 2016, the movies didn't bring in the same value as in years past.
Let's take a look why:
I would say the biggest bust for me in 2016 was star trek. I love the new star trek movies. However this one failed in marketing and in value. It didn't help that one of the characters died in real life leaving the entire plot unsure of itself. I also believe the movie was pushed too late in the year. A great movie theater setting for me is one where an offsetting movie comes at the same time. So the year Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen came out opposite of star trek I was thrilled. Two fantasy movies at the same time. That was a great year. Nothing close came like this in 2016.
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