Thursday, February 23, 2023

A moment to recover

 Today is the 23rd of February. It’s not an easy day, but it’s been nearly 3 years since I wrote.

It’s at this point that I realize that my wife has total, and unequivocal control over our children. 

It’s not like I haven’t been trying it I haven’t been better. 

Wednesday, July 8, 2020

A moment to caution

If I lose steam on this, I lose steam on this.

I can't believe it's been nearly 7 months since the cops were called on me. In that time I've had to speak with attorneys, talk to judges and go through a bunch of things that I dreaded. I wish it had been true so that I could have taken the blame. But it wasn't. So here I am.

I was supposed to spend December 20th happy to have signed my son up for summer baseball. What I got was a phone call from the police and a visit to boot. I was accused of something I didn't do, with a cop who was too eager to paint me the bad guy.

I guess in a way, I have COVID-19 to thank for keeping my mind busy. If it wasn't for this virus, I'd probably have to deal with the fact that I knew a friendship was dying.

I think the thing I learned the most is that no matter what you do, you can't buy your friends. I've tried this too many times, but each time it ends with them leaching me.

My goal for 2020 was to have a beach body. If not for an awful 2019, that could have been a possibility. Now my goal for 2021 is to be happy. Find friends who I can have meaningful relationships with. Not the kind where I'm always footing the bill.

I suppose in the future it might be a good idea to use a moment of caution before making rash decisions. I think I could have used that advice last year. At least I came to the realization at some point.

Monday, December 23, 2019

Sunday, June 2, 2019

The KVL experience: What really happend

It was a normal September afternoon (as best as I can recall). I was invited to a lunch, and received and email from someone asking me to text them back if they wanted anything. I was just finishing a meeting and they couldn't wait any longer.
The following events changed the course of everything for me.
I was given a phone number via email to text, when I could have just replied back as she had her work email tied to her phone.
I texted back. I should have emailed back.
From that point forward I maintained an unprofessional workplace relationship. It was likely awkward to everyone working with or around me. I didn't see it.
The relationship didn't really bloom from there. It bloomed from a series of events in September.
The first was our completion of a work project. This resulted in me being bought a coffee. A Iced Americana with Restretto shots.
I returned the favor, and bought one back.

What happened next is kind of fuzzy, but it's very essential to what happened going forward.

After our initial conversation about food, and me not being able to go I had not planned on talking to Kayla via text again.

On October 2nd 2018, she changed that. She texted me out of the blue regarding the rockies doing well.

From that point forward, we maintained a lengthy text relationship that lasted to ,on or around, May 10th 2019.

In early October, I invited Kayla to a game but she had to decline so that she could be with her kids. This kicked off a series of "run ins" that led to our work, and post work relationship.

I created a company run in October, and got quite a few people to join. One of them was Kayla. Of particular note was a company meeting in the building meeting area near the deli. We had a company status conference held by Vince. Instead of sitting with my accounting team, I sat with the payroll team and Kayla. She was also part of payroll, but this must have looked incredibly awkward.

The remaining month of October consisted of an inquiry about her teams baseball jerseys and getting coffee together in short. In late October, I asked her to an avalanche game. She accepted and I was completely delighted. Then on the day before the event, she canceled via text.

It is my assumption that she knew the whole time that she was unable to go. I believe this to be Lie #1.

That same night I went and hung out with her family at brothers bringing my son. I had been told multiple times that her husband was working on his bachelors degree in education. At brothers, I asked him how much longer he had. He told me that he wasn't in school and asked where I heard that.
I told him that Kayla had told me. He scoffed at her, and said that wasn't true. I believe this to be Lie #2.

On the 27th, we had our second post work meeting when we both attended the company run I had setup. She arrived too late to get her bib and just jumped in the race and finished. We had a quick drink with the running team at a local bar before separating. I gave her a side hug, though I'm unsure if this was the first time I hugged her.

On October 29th, she was pulled into a meeting and I remember her being very unhappy walking to the conference room. This was the first time I realized she had an attitude and possible authority problem.

On October 30th, she enjoyed her first nuggets game at my expense. She enjoyed it and I believe this to be an anchor point for our relationship. I have no way to prove she actually attended as her facebook (as of this writing I'm no longer friends with her by my choice), and instagram have no proof she went. She only said she really enjoyed it.

Early November was not a very talkative time. She invited me to lunch by the lobby fireplace.

She also invited me to mimosa's but then couldn't go.

Then on November 26th, I invited her to the first nuggets game.She selected December 16th as a date she could go.

By this point I was lying about leaving the company. I said I had interviews but in reality had none.

By the 27th, I believed I was going to be fired and starting expressing this to her. It was extremely unprofessional and I'm surprised she still talked with me.

On the 28th, I officially offered her tickets to opening day.

On December 4th, we were informed that jeff was leaving the company. I relayed this to Kayla in what kept our texts going.

On this same date, I was invited to her team fundraiser at Piccino's

On December 7th we had our christmas party. I sat by Kayla early on which must have been incredibly awkward to everyone else in the company. Sometime after this date, Kelsey questioned what I did with Kayla and Priscilla at lunch.

On December 16th, she came to the game wearing one of her professional chest covers. It was awkward for me as I couldn't tell if I was hanging out with Kayla the coworker or Kayla the friend.

On the 18th, she accepted a Gmail invite to another game and accepted basketball tickets for herself and her husband.

Sometime between the 18th and the 28th of December I observed her talking on the phone in the lobby to another employer.

On the 28th, she had her interview for her job.

On the 31st, she bailed on the next avalanche game claiming to be too hurt to go. I believe this to be Lie #3. She was walking up and down the stairs just fine.

On January 2nd, she received and offer and the countdown to her departure was coming. Also missed during this time where she accepted an avs game but claimed to be too grumpy to go. She did this about 2 hours before puck drop. Her reasoning that she was grumpy seemed to be Lie #4.

On the 5th, I questioned her how the game went. She sent me a picture, but I didn't feel like she actually went. To me, I believe she gave the tickets to her friends.

On January 13th, she came to the second Nuggets game. This time, I got her really drunk. We hugged in the parking lot waiting for lyft. This was the closest I ever felt with her.

I invited her to have dinner with me at brothers on the 15th. She was good to go while at work, but as soon as she left she all of a sudden had kids to watch. Her nails were pink the next day so I believe this excuse.

On the 17th, I had dinner with her and Jacob at brothers. Prior to dinner, I was instructed not to talk about the basketball game as she told her husband she went with myself and my wife.

On the 18th, we had a company good bye with limited people at Jacksons.

On February 1st, we went to a basketball game where she experienced bubba gump for the first time. I was so sick.

We had a happy hour scheduled for February 11th, but she didn't show up. Claimed her kids had a playoff game that she forgot about. She has google calendar so I believe this to be Lie #5.


On the 16th of February, we had an avs game. Jacob supposedly texted me from her phone claiming she was in the hospital. She had been hiding so much from him, that it just doesn't make sense he would be texting from her phone. I believe she actually texted me. I also believe this to be Lie #6.

At the end of February she was supposedly needing surgery to remove her uterus. This likely isn't the case, but was part of the 6th lie.

On the 28th of February we went to lunch at Adelitas. This would become the only post ICWG work lunch we would ever have.

March was quiet except for late in the month. We had beers on the 22nd at Breckrenridge brewery. That was pretty fun. She didn't tell me on that date, but she had accepted an offer to leave Publication Printers. The reasoning for leaving was due to payroll not being processed for years. However I didn't believe this. She was either fired, or something with her attitude changed her employment status.

On March 31st, we went to our last ever basketball game together. We met at landsdown arms and went to the game from there. Dropped off at the same place and she was excited to see me on Thursday for the Avs game.

Went to opening day where she met me at around 11. We went to a couple VIP locations. This was the last time I hung out with her at a sports event.

Saw her on april 26th at Bar Louie. This was the last time we ever hung out. After this, our relationship died.

On Thursday May 2nd, she backed out of the next day's baseball game. I believe she at this point had made up her mind to end our friendship.

On May 10th, I received my final text from her. I received one instagram response the following week but have not talked to her since.




Friday, May 10, 2019

Death Star: Death of a Friendship

For two chilling weeks in January, I watched this beautiful, amazing, glowing person slowing slip out of my fingers. She was more than anything to me. I loved her.

For weeks, I struggled with how the friendship would ever be the same. I couldn't figure out what I could do to save the friendship. To continue the loving world I wanted.

Eventually I made a plan to destroy the friendship. All of my own doing. Eventually I did that.


Today is May 9th, 2019. I'm hung up on a girl, and our relationship unofficially ended today.

That's all I've got to say.

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Sweet Dreams, Kayla

My dearest Kayla,


You are a wonderful and gracious person. Your personality, your fire and flare bring a smile to my face. When you enter a room, it's instantly vibrant. Your friendship has meant the world to me.

On your last day at ICWG, 1/18/19, I prayed that I'd never lose your friendship. I hoped that at least once a week I'd get to see you. I hoped that our friendship would grow, and we would share life stories together. Not necessarily in a lover kind of way, but in a deep friendship kind of way.

I told you of my medical conditions. This meant I trusted you as a friend. This meant that I wanted you in my life.

What I didn't realize was that earlier in January, I had promised you tickets to the Rockies home opener. I thought this was just a product of our friendship. My honest hope was that we would continue hanging out.

It's now 4/10/19, and I can't believe what I'm about to write. It hurts, I'm hurt and you've just checked out. You used what you had to get what you wanted: Opening Day Tickets.

Opening day is gone, and so is our friendship. I never, every thought this would happen. I thought that we would have a great summer as friends just as I was expecting from Ryan, Matt, and Andy.

But now you're gone. This sucks, and I realize that I've lost you. I realize you've backed off of our friendship and that this whole thing was a side show to get tickets.

I don't blame you though. Having a husband who doesn't make nearly as much as you and living in an apartment with two kids and two dogs must really suck.

During this summer, you'll have baseball to get you through. But when it's over, and fall and winter return you can be promised of one thing: You'll have to find someone else to believe the lies about how great your husband is. You'll also need to find someone who can supply you tickets.

I hope we can remain friends, and I hope this blog is laughable a day from now. However that doesn't seem likely. It seems more likely that you are gone. That I'm the laughing stock. That I should have stood you up on opening day.

That's just not me though. So instead, nice guys finish last.

Sweet dreams, Kayla. I wish you nothing but the best. I hope your friendships thrive in the future. I'm just a friend down.

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Why, please tell me

One cold day in December, I was sitting at my Paulaner work desk when KH came down and said she left her notice. I was shocked. So was Teresa. Then she went on vacation and came back with 4 days left. Her last day she brought her dog in. She left with her belongings and her dog. I never talked to her again.

On another cold day in December, I was walking on the 2nd floor walkway when I saw KP get her first phone screen. Her hair was in a bun. She was so excited to talk to the screener.

I don't want this to be true. I don't want this to happen again.

Unfortunately it is happening, and unfortunately I'm experiencing this all again.

I don't want to experience losing a close friend. Who can ever replace Kayla? Who?

I'm lost over a girl that I cannot have. I'm lost over a girl who's moved on and will likely never talk to me again.


So why, please tell me why can't I just forget about her. Why does she have to live in my head?

If I knew the answers, and the things that made these questions tick then I could leave in peace. I deserve that much.