The difficulties I never expected.

Today I am writing a post. The first in a long time. I have begun to realize the downside to blogging on the internet. As you read this post, I want you to realize that this information is available on the internet forever. Someone will always have this page available. Maybe someday, someone will find it well after the account is closed.

Today is also the first day that I feel like venting on the opposite side of college. For years I have talked about how great it is to improve myself. I've learned so much, come so far. It seems like the light is at the end of the tunnel, but it really is not.

Last semester I found myself in the same situation that I have found myself today: Needing to get a minimum grade on the exam to pass the class. Last semester, I fell short on one of my classes. One that I am now repeating with a different instructor. The problem is that this semester, I again am taking this class. Again, I need a certain grade to pass. I have become doubtful of my chances in my current degree. I am so sick of studying. It's like a never ending shit show. I go to school, study, take and exam and no doubt get nothing better than a D. I'm tired of this fake "academic world". Nothing seems real. I feel like I am surrounded by stupidity at every turn.

I reference my days back in the Army. I remember how far my basic training got me: out of basic training. Once in the Army, I learned everything new. Luckily the whole training process was 6 months so it didn't really feel like I was giving all that much up for my future Army career.

College is different, way different. I find myself having spent the last 5 years doing nothing but studying. I now am at a point where I don't want to study anymore. I don't want a grade. I just want a job.

Even if that means throwing my college experience aside, I am willing to do that. I am tired of college. It's an absolute waste of my time and talents. If I pass this semester, great. If not, I really don't want to pursue college anymore. I know this is me quitting, but I have to realize when my family needs me and I need to work. I need money.


My honest hope is to pass this semester, but should that plan fail I really just want to get a job doing something other than spending my time in school.