The Dirty Sanchez

I came up with the guts of this blog due to a recurring situation with my wife. I'm sure my situation is nothing different than what any other man experiences. It's something like this: you're in the mood to give her "X" amount of inches, and she's in the mood to roll her eyes. Then a day or two later she's all about opening those legs, but you just happened to be coming home from a 12 hour shift and want nothing better than a nice bed to sleep on, possibly a shower.


Before we begin my instructional blog, every man out there needs to heed this short poem: "Legs together are tight as a feather, legs apart and you're ready to start". This is the recipe to divide and conquer a woman's legs.

I digress, the dirty sanchez.....

So I actually first heard of this technique while in Iraq. I had a buddy who was in the Marines at one point. We were both in the Army during this story, so every time he spoke most people believed him. That is until I tried most of his non-sense.

He often gave instructions on how to "make your woman respect you" and "if you give her an inch of leeway, she'll take a mile". He spoke as if he had mastered the woman, and people (including myself) believed him. I think we believed him because most of his other stories checked out. He talked about sleeping on a roof naked in Miami and had the arrest record online. He talked about drinking too much beer and running into Tom Cruise in LA. That too was found on YouTube. One thing stuck out, and it stuck out like a sore thumb.

That thing was the dirty sanchez. He told this story like he had done the act several times before and even talked about proper wrist hinging to apply the "feathery finger touch". One day I thought about what he said and then approached him about his story. Something didn't add up. He finally confessed that he had never performed the act, but heard plenty of stories about it. So essentially he heard an Army "telephone" story. This is a story where you heard something from one person, who heard it from another, who heard a conversation over five people, who were reading something completely unrelated in a magazine.

Well young troopers, I can tell you that I have performed the Dirty Sanchez.

So here was my deal. I work in a high responsibility job these days. Nobody will get killed if I make a mistake, but plenty of people will miss out on lots of money if I screw something up. The saying "shit rolls downhill" applies to me. That hill is long and steep. Usually if I make a mistake Monday, I don't hear about it until the following Monday. That means that a whole business week has passed before I hear about an imperfection which has stopped the world, but is still fixable.

That's just part of my job. But dealing with these kinds of things daily makes me tired. My brain is fried when I get home and the last thing I want is to mingle with my wife. So I immediately go to the bedroom where I try to lay down. However, I have two children who remind me that bed time is not until 8:00 P.M.

So my sleep is further delayed. By the time I do go to bed, I'm tired. For some reason my wife thinks this is the perfect time to have a sexual encounter. This is odd considering when I don't work late hours, I'm always down for a little bump and run. Problem is, she's not in the mood.

So after I while I became annoyed with hearing her wanting sex, but she knows I'm too damn tired to do anything. So one night I decided that I would submit to her will. I'd have an encounter with her, but it would be with a twist.

I got naked and prepared for a sexual arousal. I took my middle finger and shoved it up my butt hole. This is key. The deeper you go, the more bile you get thus a stinkier finger and a better Sanchez. Then I hid my hand behind my back. This is the second key. With a stinky finger, you'll turn a woman off quickly and thus this little reminder won't work.

Next I waited for her to come in for a kiss where I told her I have a surprise for her. All she needed to do was turn around for a reverse mount. She agreed. I put my right hand on her left shoulder with my right arm going over her chest to secure her. I then told her to repeat after me: "S-A-N-C-H-E-Z". At about the C letter, I arched my finger across her top lip and quickly pulled my stink finger which applied a nice amount of stink on her top lip.

I was slapped, but the smell made her gag. I taught her a lesson. That lesson is that marriage is a two way street. You have give a little to get a little. That means giving a little fun time to me when I want it. So in turn, she got a lot of shit for all the times that she gave me a little shit.

Hope you enjoyed!

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