Why being a veteran is so hard

Some days I close my eyes and think back to before I ever joined the military. I think about my high school years and everything that was not taught to me. My father was a drunk who left our family when I was 8 years old. From that point on, everything was tough.

I grew up the hard way. My mother didn't know a whole lot about the world because she spent her childhood sheltered from it. I grew up every day knowing that the odds were against me. That if I got into a fight, no one would stick up for me. If I was bullied, I didn't have the structure at home to rely on. Nobody from my household would confront a teacher or another parent to help me. It was just me. I often got into fights, just to prove that I could take the bully down.

This type of lifestyle is not the best. When I graduated high school, my options were limited. I wanted to be productive in life and give back in everything that I could. I found myself working a couple of jobs that didn't offer but minimum wage.

Then the Army happened. It's almost as if up to that point, my eyes were shut to the world. I didn't have friends, a job or anybody to turn to. Life was tough. In boot camp I quickly learned that my drill sergeants were against me. I learned that they would exploit my weaknesses and use them against me. At this point, most of the other soldiers were learning to bond together. So that when the drill sergeant came to dish out his daily screaming, he had to scream at all of us. This is when I learned to bond. I learned to work as a team. I learned that in everything I do, I can accomplish this as a team.

When I was sent to my first duty station, I used this team work ethic to get everything done. If a job required someone to be working for 32 hours straight, we built a team and created a schedule so that every strong person in the group could mentor a weaker person. This would also allow us to keep minimal staff on the job, and keep the whole organization working smoothly.

In Iraq, I used this idea again. When against the enemy, we never used our numbers. We used our teamwork. Applying everyone's greatest strength to exploit the enemies weakness. For years on end, we worked to repel the enemy and conquer being outnumbered.

We worked harder and faster to accomplish our mission. However, like the NFL players our time as soldiers can only last so long. The body wears down, and eventually so does the mind. It's not a matter of if, but when.

That exit happened for me when I was injured. I now try to find my place in life but have severe difficulties. This is because people apply the word "team work" in their job descriptions but only mean work together. I've never seen anyone rely on another person to the point that they are working like I did in the military.

Because of this, I can't seem to hold a job longer than 8 months. I relive my horrors every day and only hope that one day I will die peacefully knowing that I served. I'm not a suicidal guy, I just know that once again the odds are against me. Except this time, I don't get the chance to find something to open my eyes. I just have to live with my past.